Things never go the way you think they will. Life's funny like that. I'm pretty OCD and a major planner, so obviously I had tons of plans for this summer and the way I wanted my life to be. But apparently I'm not immune to curveballs (though I wish I was.) You see, a lot has changed in the last 24 hours. I know the decisions I made are for the best, but it seems like everything exploded all at the same time.
The first major decision came at work yesterday. I've worked at the bowling ally for the last 3 and a half years and there has been a lot of ups and downs. Ownership and management has changed a couple of times and people have come and gone. Through it all, I stayed simply for the fact that it was a job. Some days were better than others and I was grateful that they agreed to work around my college school schedule and allowed me to work weekends.
This summer though, going back was rough. There was a lot of stuff going on including stupid high school-esqe games. Some people got away with things that should never have been allowed, without punishment, like not showing up for shifts and texting in front of customers (there is supposedly a no cell phone policy.) While some were allowed to shove their duties onto others, people like me and a few of my other hard-working co-workers were required to pick up the slack. No one ever asked if we would, it was just expected that we would. With the games going on in the place, my stress-level was sky high. Yesterday, I hit my snapping point. I am so over the games and when I was told that I needed to stay later than my already 7 hour long shift because someone wouldn't be in until around 7 pm (shift changes are at 4) I lost it. I went straight to the bosses and turned in my 2 weeks.
The minute I made up my mind, I felt so relieved. I don't have to play the games or lie through my teeth anymore. I got out and have so many other big things happening for me because of school. Basically I have all of August to be a kid and hang out with friends. My last month of summer vacation isn't going to be ruled by a crappy job.
The 2nd major decision was not as easy to make. You see, this one involved my heart and it hurt a lot.
I met one of the nicest, sweetest guys at the first of May. He came into work one night and we exchanged numbers. One date turned into two and within weeks we were a couple. He was really sweet and being with him made me happy. But the longer I thought about the relationship, it just didn't seem right. I didn't see a future for us, and felt the best thing to do for everyone involved was to end it. Unfortunately, it ended last night.
It was not an easy decision by any means. The thought of ending it tore me up inside, but I knew it was something I had to do.
So now where do I go? I start school in 6 weeks and know there will be a lot to do there. I'm pretty sure I picked some hard classes that will require more work than I've had to do before. So there's that to look forward to. I'm going to try to complete Camp Nano (it's like the writing competition I do in November, only in August.) And of course I have good friends who keep my laughing, even when I don't feel like it.
The biggest change for me is that I've decided I want to go back to church. Don't ask why, but I do. Maybe I need to start trusting God more. He clearly knows what's going on even when I don't.
So yeah, I'm making a lot of decisions right now, but I know they are all for the best. I'm going to take some time, let my heart heal, figure out exactly what I want, and try to make a road map of how to get it. I do know one thing, I'm headed in the right direction.
**Rachael
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