When I was a little girl I loved the Disney princess movies especially Cinderella and Snow White. They were just normal girls, like I saw myself, who after enduring the hardships of life ended up with their Prince Charming who swept them off their feet. They fell instantly, madly in love with him and rode off into the sunset to enjoy a life of happily ever after. I, like many other little girls, believed I could be a princess too after watching these movies. I dreamed that one day my Prince Charming would ride in on a white horse and sweep me off my feet. I was positive that the moment I saw him, I would know that things were absolutely perfect and he was the “one” because Disney told me that’s how it should be. DISNEY LIED TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I’m coming to realize that that’s not how life works. The saying “Life is not a fairy tale” keeps running through my head. Do you ever really “know”?? How can you be positive that you are making the right choice?? I’m notorious for falling hard for guys. I invest everything I have into my crushes and when they fizzle I usually end up hurting. When the real thing happens, how will I know that its real and that I’m not just reading too much into it?? I only ask because I see so many people my age getting married and I wondered how they knew their husbands were the “ones”. I’m not ready to get married. I still need to figure things out about me before I try to explain them to someone else. Thoughts??
What’s sparking all this?? I knew a guy at the end of last semester. We were basically a couple, just without the title. Things ended a bit awkwardly, but no one really hated each other (at least I don’t think so). I was a bit broken hearted when things ended, but I moved on and picked up my life. I met the WB and was quite content living my love life vicariously through my characters, David and Katy. I was doing fine, over B and focused on finishing the semester strong. Then things changed. B text me last week, apologizing for how things ended with us, which I thought was a really sweet gesture because honestly, how many guys apologize for things that happened 3 months ago?? We started talking and the suggestion of dating was brought up again. We decided to think about it and talk this week. I freaked out!! I wasn’t sure what I wanted. I knew I didn’t want to get hurt again, but at the same time, I liked the idea of us. I was so confused about what to do, say no or say yes, which confused me even more. I reasoned that if I was supposed to go for it, I would instantly know. I didn’t though. There was no overwhelming feeling of the right choice and I struggled for days with what to do. With each new day came a different answer. One day I felt like saying we could try dating and the next day I wanted to say no. I didn’t know what I wanted!! Nothing was clear to me!! Life, or at least mine, was surely not turning into a Disney princess movie!! I guess I worried for nothing, because this week he has all but dropped off the face of the planet. Good job Rachael, you stressed yourself out for nothing…
In happier news the semester is almost over and I’ve almost finished rewriting the ending of D+K. Hopefully I’ll send my pages out the first week of June after some serious editing!!!
As a final send off, here is one of my favorite Katy Perry songs. It basically explains my Disney dilemma. (It’s live, but I like her live better.) Fast forward to about 20 seconds for the song.
**Rachael
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