Why do I drive so fast if I enjoy the drive?? Yesterday I drove back to Logan after my weeklong spring break at home. I did fine until I hit the canyon and Daisy decided she didn’t want to do above 60, which is all fine and dandy given that 60 is the speed limit, but even in the slow lane I was being plowed over. I was getting angry and yelling at Daisy (please tell me others with an old car have yelled at it too and that I’m not crazy) when it hit me. I love driving so why do I always go so fast so that I’m done sooner?? It doesn’t make any sense. Maybe I don’t really like driving?? Is my lead foot just my subconscious telling me I hate driving??
I started reworking D+K, that’s the title I finally figured out. It seemed like the only thing that fit. I’ve been going through it for the past few weeks, just cleaning it up and trying to make things all tie together, when Friday night, my first night of break, it hit me. The book doesn’t end the way I thought it did. Yes David still dies, but how that happens and events leading up to it and after are different than I had originally written. So now I’m trying to get everything right. Character’s are changing and growing and it’s exciting and scary all at the same time. I don’t know what it is, but this is the first of the five novels I have written that I’ve ever gone back and re-worked. I’ve always just left the others how they were when I finished them. Does the re-writing mean I’m growing as a writer?? Or am I just desperate to write something good?? Maybe it’s both, who knows.
So this probably doesn’t make any sense, but it’s been a while since I last posted. I figured I should post SOMETHING and let everyone know I’m still alive and being alive is something I am so grateful for. With the recent events in Japan, I’m coming to realize how valuable life is. Why should I speed down the freeway when I can enjoy the drive. I think, especially for me, we want so bad to be something different than we are. Like be done with school, with a certain trial in our life, or want to be something bigger than we are (for me that’s famous…) Why can’t we just accept what we are and be thankful for what we have been given and for the fact that we woke up still breathing this morning?? I posted and tweeted this earlier, but I really believe it’s true “Smile and love today because you never know if you’ll get the chance tomorrow” Love with all your heart, maybe get it broken, smile and just make the most out of every single day because you never know when your time is going to be up. Call all your friends and tell them you love them, make sure you do everything you want to. Living with regrets is almost as bad as not living at all.
Maybe this is all a bit depressing but don’t call the hotline for me. I’m fine, happy, and loving the rain. I just am thinking a lot. Blame it on David and Katy…
**Rachael
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