I Survived

Hey Peeps!

Another semester has come and gone and somehow, through miraculous wonders, I survived. It's been a rough semester. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, because I know that I am so lucky to be able to go to school and am thankful for that, but this semester has been harder than my others. I thought they were supposed to get easier as I went. That's so not the case. This semester my classes have pushed me harder, demanded more than I sometimes knew how to give, and have sent my stress level to Mars more than once, but I survived.

During my last news writing class, my professor drove home the survival point. He was most definitely my hardest, most demanding professor this semester. But that being said, I feel like a true winner because I didn't give up on his class and am going to get a B+. His class started out with like 70 kids and dwindled down to 40. To be able to put up with people telling me I was "prying in things I didn't need to know", not calling me back, or calling me back two weeks after I called them thus making them useless, has really shown me just how strong I am. I won't lie, I wanted to quit on that class, but since it's required for PR, I didn't really have a choice but to finish it. Maybe I didn't do my best work near the end (ok, we all know I didn't do my best in the last two weeks), but I feel like sticking with the class is something to be proud of. To see what almost made me bald check out freezingyetfabulous.blogspot.com

I found out today that my team got a 100% on our project for my Media Smarts class. That thing seriously stressed me out. It was due the day before Thanksgiving, which didn't give us much time to work on it. Like we seriously only had two or two and a half weeks to watch "Iron Jawed Angels", research the New York Times to see what happened, and write up multiple analysis of fact vs fiction. I've had two other projects in that class and each one was harder than the one before. To finish the hardest project with a perfect score is the best Christmas gift. I also feel good knowing that I didn't buy my grade. Yeah, sure we played into what the professor wanted to hear, but in order to get a good grade you kind of had to do that. But we played by the rules and didn't try to bribe her with books or extra things to get a better score. Yeah, a lot of people did that.

I tried NaNoWriMo this year. I reached 50,406 words by November 30th, but I haven't finished the book. I'm still working on it. I feel like it's the best thing I've written and am actually really proud of what I've finished so far. I know I've been saying this for years and have never followed through, but this time I'm serious. I'm going to send it out on my birthday. You see, this year I'll be 20 on the 20th. There really is no other day that could possibly be more good luck than that. So I have my work cut out for me. Since I only have one final, which happens to be on Tuesday, my goal is to have it all written by the end of next week. I have to work Thursday night at my USU job and don't start back up at the bowling ally until Monday the 19th. I know I can finish it. Then as soon as it's done, it's editing time. I'm not stupid and am fully aware that it needs some serious edits, but I think I can get it done by the first of the year. That means I'm going to need readers to give me feedback. If you would like to help me, and maybe get a chance to read the next big novel (hey, I can dream) let me know. I want some eyes on it before I let the professionals tear it apart.

Despite how hard this semester has been and how much I have cried over it, I really feel like I'm in the right place. I haven't started my PR classes, but from the journalism classes I have taken, especially news writing, I know that this is what I'm supposed to do with my life. I've always had a plan for my life and I still kind of do, but I really feel like this is the right thing and not just something I want. I've found a way to combine my love of writing and music and make a career out of it. I really can't wait until I do an internship and get an actual job.

So that's pretty much it. Nothing overly exciting has happened to me lately. I must say though that yesterday and today have been excellent hair days.

Final thought: If he wants the milk he has to buy the cow and if he's lactose-intolerant he's gay. (The last part was added by my friend Zakk, but I thought it was funny and wanted to share)

**Rae Marie

The World Must Be Ending

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the growing cold, the two year itch or maybe just a growth spurt, but for the first time in my entire educational life, I DON’T CARE!! Now before ya’ll freak out and remind me that I need to care and be thankful for the opportunity to get my education, hear me out.

This semester has been rough. My classes have been more demanding than last year. My Media Smart’s class is all projects. That’s it. All we do is BIG projects. As much as I try to stay on top of my research and project assignments, (They are all group projects, and for the 1st time I appreciate having a group) I feel like I am falling more and more behind.

Add to that a writing class with a professor with whom I have a love/hate relationship with. He wants the best out of us, which I can respect, but at the same time the expectations feel a little overboard. There’s a weekly article due every Friday by 11:59 and they have to be legit. It wouldn’t be such a big deal if I didn’t have 4 other classes and homework, a job, my body thinks I need to sleep and if the sources I call WOULD CALL ME BACK!

So I have two insanely big classes plus a very info heavy Mass Communication class and a creative writing class. We have to read everyone’s stories and edit and give comments. It’s probably really mean, but some of these kids should be told not to give up their day job to become a writer. Reading some of that stuff makes me cringe, it’s so bad. Sometimes I forget about Natural Disasters, but most of the time I don’t even know what’s going on in that class.

So yeah, I think I’ve hit the point where I just don’t care anymore. I know I should still want to give my best work, but right now I feel like my professors should consider themselves lucky that I’m still alive. It sucks, because I’ve never not given my school work a million percent, but I think it might be a good thing. Being perfect is too much work. Maybe that’s why no one is.

I’m doing Nano, which is actually more of a stress relief than I thought it would be. I’m sitting at 14,334 right now and haven’t written a word today. It’s been a good thing to have. A nice little incentive to get my other crap done. So we’ll see if I can survive the next month, manage to scrap my way through my 3rd semester of college, and finish a 50,000 word novel that I feel okay about.

Can I just say I can’t wait to be done with school??

**Rae Marie

Can I Have Please??

Dear Santa,

I've been really good this year. Please put this under my tree.

Love,

Rachael

Happy Halloween

**So this is just a little story I wrote for my fiction class and thought I’d share.-Rae Marie

The House on Black Hill

“Can we go yet?” Blake complained. The whine in his voice made him sound more like a five year-old than the eighteen year-old he actually was. He tossed his baseball into the air for the millionth time and let it crash back into his hands with a solid thump.

“Let me finish this article,” Ibee returned, not moving her eyes from the yellowing newspaper in front of her. She flipped her long black hair over her shoulder, creasing it behind her ear to keep it away from the tiny gray print.

Blake stood from his spot on the scratchy red library carpet and let his knees pop as he fidgeted behind his girlfriend. “Baby, you’ve read these a hundred times.”

“Not this one.” She placed her finger under a tiny word to mark her place and stared at him over her thick, dark-framed glasses. “I’m almost done.”

“I don’t get why you like this stuff so much.”

He fingered through the pile of fading newspapers stacked next to Ibee’s elbow The bold headlines blared up at him, like the dark print could impress readers to believe the information was more important. Black Deaths Still Under Investigation. Black Case Determined Murder. Remembering Lexi Black. Five Teens Missing: Last Seen Heading Toward Black Mansion. Realtor’s Body Found at Black Home. The articles dated back from the 50’s, with the most recent bearing the declaration half of Blake’s freshman baseball team had gone missing after visiting the house. Blake shuddered as he scanned over the titles, unable to shake the sensation he was being watched.

“This is so creepy,” he whispered, more to himself, though he knew she could hear him.

She sighed and placed the newspaper she had been reading on top of the stack before lifting the pile with a grunt.

“Way to make me feel like a man,” Blake groaned as she struggled to balance the papers under her chin. He took the pile and hoisted it into his arms, leading the way out of the dim library basement.

“Thanks,” Ibee smiled weakly.

“You know you can see these online, Ibee,” the librarian asked as they returned the papers to the desk. , her tight gray bun pulling at the edges of her face.

“I know,” she smiled cheerfully, “but it’s not the same.”

The librarian nodded knowingly and placed the pile behind the desk, ready for Ibee’s return. “See you tomorrow.”

Ibee pulled her oversized black sunglasses over her eyes as she and Blake strolled hand in hand through the parking lot toward her Ford Truck. The dry October leaves scattered around the pavement crunched under their feet with each step as the crisp air filled her lungs. She searched the skyline for the decrepit building as they walked. She knew exactly where it was, but didn’t immediately focus on it.

The house on Black Hill had been empty for as long as she could remember. No one seemed to own the towering mansion, but she was sure someone had to be listed on the deed. Homes didn’t own themselves. She added a note to her mental check list to check the city home registry.

Ibee had a strange fascination with the house. Looming above the perfectly manicured lawns and brightly painted shutters of the small town, the Black Hill house was like a black sheep. Everyone complained that it cast a horrible shadow on Castle Brook, but nobody, not even the city council did anything about it.

No one was supposed to go near it, but Ibee knew better than to believe everyone listened. Chief Dead, Ibee’s father, had deemed the building unfit, claiming the wood was rotten and the attic was infested with rabies riddled bats. The house was old, built around the 1940’s, so her father’s logic worked, but Ibee couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something more going on with the house that people weren’t supposed to know about.

“Don’t tell me you’re thinking about that house again,” Blake rolled his eyes, his voice breaking through Ibee’s thoughts. She glanced at him, his half smile a sign he was only partly joking.

“Why does it matter?”

“I swear, that’s all you think about,” he returned, “and to be honest, it’s a little creepy.”

“It’s a mystery,” she cooed. If there was one thing Ibee loved talking about, it was the Black house. “No one knows what happened up there.”

Blake shook his head, fully aware he had opened a can of worms. “Which is why it’s creepy.”

Ibee laughed. “You’re just a pansy.”

“Am not!”

“Ohmygosh,” Ibee gasped, her eyes alight with realization. “You’re afraid of ghosts.”

“No I’m not.”

“Yes you are!” she grinned. “You think the place is haunted so you’re afraid of it.”

“I am not afraid of some old house, ghosts or not,” he replied defensively.

“Prove it.” She grabbed his muscled bicep and stepped directly in front of him, blocking the way to her truck. “Come up to the house with me and prove you aren’t scared.”

Blake stared at her with a furrowed brow as he thought over her words. Going to the house wasn’t something he really wanted to do. His parents would kill him if he was caught at the crumbling mansion, but his masculinity was in question. He sighed heavily. “Fine. We’ll go to the house and I’ll prove to you I’m not afraid of ghosts.”

Ibee beamed like a kid on Christmas as they continued toward her truck. “Tonight.”

“Why tonight?” he asked, uncertainty feeding his voice. “It’s a Wednesday. We should go on a weekend or something.” He wouldn’t admit it to her, but he hoped he could put off the adventure long enough that she would forget about his promise.

“No tonight’s the perfect night,” she answered. “It’s the anniversary.”

Blake’s shoulders slumped in resolve as he opened the truck door for her. “Okay, I’ll be at your house at ten.”

“Perfect!” She pecked his cheek before hoisting herself into the driver’s seat. “I’ll see you then.”

“Oh,” Blake called as he walked toward his own car. “If we get caught, I’m blaming you.”

**********

“Knock knock,” Chief Dead said as he drummed his knuckles against his daughter’s open bedroom door. Ibee looked up from her notebook and brushed a thick chunk of black hair behind her ear. “How’s my little Ibee Dead?”

“Alive. Why?”

“You were just really quite at dinner,” Chief Dead shrugged. “Is everything all right?”

“I’m fine.” Her voice squeaked a bit, but she hoped he hadn’t noticed. Fear fluttered through her stomach with each passing second, unsure if he father had discovered her plan. “Just a lot on my mind.”

“Everything okay with Blake?” His eyes bored into her and she felt like he could see straight through her.

“Yeah,” she nodded, turning back to her notebook.

“What are you working on?” the chief asked, sitting carefully on the edge of his daughter’s purple comforter. “Homework?”

“Not really,” she smiled sheepishly.

“The Black House?” he asked, even though he already knew the answer.

“I found some new articles today,” she replied. “How come you never mentioned that people have been found dead up there?”

Chief Dead sighed and placed a heavy hand on Ibee’s knee. “You know I don’t like to bring my work home with me.”

Her father hated talking about the house, especially since it fueled her obsession, but she couldn’t fight the curiosity eating away at her stomach. “Yeah, but this is kind of big stuff. What’s going on up there?”

“One day you’re going to make a really good reporter,” he grinned, “but until then will you promise me you’ll stay away from that house? Nothing good happens up there.”

“I know,” she sighed, feeling like a little kid.

“Ibee, promise me you’ll stay away from there.” The sternness in his voice forced her to make eye contact.

She curled her fist under knee and crossed her fingers. “I promise, dad.”

He smiled and stood from the bed. “That’s my girl. Good night.”

“Good night.” She closed the door behind her father as she tried to control her pounding heart.

Ibee had never been a good liar, especially to her parents. She was the good child, the one who got straight A’s, had a decent boyfriend and didn’t do anything she wasn’t supposed to. Breaking the rules wasn’t her deal, but she couldn’t deny the excitement it carried.

Butterflies flapped around her stomach as she glanced at the clock and wished time would go faster. Trying to not seem suspicious, she went through her nightly routine like normal . She brushed her teeth, taking extra long just to waste the minutes, and said goodnight to her parents before slipping back into her room.

She lay on her bed and stared up at the punk band posters plastered on the ceiling. The white walls her parents refused to let her paint over glowed in the shadows from the street light outside her window. Her stomach churned as she waited for Blake, and the ominous taste of bile floated over her tongue. She took several slow breaths and tried to calm her nerves. Unable to relax, she grabbed her notebook with a picture of the Black house taped to the front and flipped through her notes.

Everything Ibee knew about the house tattooed the white pages. She fingered the sheets reading over the scribbles. Most people in town agreed on the basic story, but the finer details differed depending on the story teller. Sentences and clues had been scribbled out and wrote over as Ibee tried to figure out the myth.

She scanned over the pictures of the house she had photocopied from newspapers. It looked dark and creepy even in the sunlight, but Ibee knew it hadn’t always been that way. As the story went, the Black house was the most envied place in Castle Brook. It had been constructed of beautiful cream brick with large bay windows and lush sloping lawns. It was the first official home built in the small community when the town was establishing itself in the late forties. Andrew Black, the town’s founder, built his lavish home on the top of the tallest hill overlooking the growing town. People said it was so he could remind the city who was in charge, but it was all just a rumor as far as Ibee could tell.

She nearly jumped out of her skin as her phone vibrated against her leg. She pulled the chipped silver flip phone from her pocket and glanced at the message from Blake.

I’m here. Come out

She rolled off the bed and carefully opened her window with a muffled grunt, glad her parents hadn’t yet replaced the screen. Blake smiled up at her from the shadows of the large oak tree next to her window, his bright white teeth almost glowing in the darkness.

“I’ll be down in a second,” she whispered, even though she was pretty sure he hadn’t heard her.

She turned back to her room and tiptoed into the hall. The sounds of the ten o’clock news wafted up from the living room and she knew her parents weren’t likely to move anytime soon. Positive the coast was clear, she slipped back into her room and grabbed her Castle Brook pep squad hoodie.

“How am I supposed to get down?” she called from the window, a twinge of panic in her voice.

“Use the tree, silly,” Blake laughed loudly. He clamped his hand over his mouth and Ibee prayed her parents hadn’t heard him.

With a deep breath, Ibee hoisted herself out of the window and clung to the closest branch. She had never climbed a tree. Among other things, it was forbidden in her house for fear someone would fall and break something. She scooted backwards down the branch and tried to ignore Blake’s snickers. He was an avid tree climber, and she knew she probably looked like a complete idiot as she inched down the tree. When she reached the main trunk of the tree, she looked down to Blake with pleading eyes. The swaying branches made her heart race as she imagined crashing to the cold, hard grass.

“You’re going to have to switch branches until you can jump,” Blake coached as he tried not to laugh.

She gave him a terrified wide-eyed look as she contemplated his words. Leaping from branch to branch seemed impossible as the orange and yellow leaves danced around in the evening breeze. She hugged the center of the tree and slowly inched toward the ground. The rough bark scratched at her hands, making each move more painful. She felt Blake’s strong hands grip her waist and place her feet on the ground. She held onto him as she tried to steady her shaking legs.

“If that scared you, what are you going to do when we get to the house?” Blake teased as he led her to his car he had left in front of the neighbor’s house.

“I’m not scared,” Ibee scoffed.

Blake smirked as he held onto her trembling hand. “Sure. That’s why you’re shaking like a leaf.”

“It’s just a little cold,” Ibee smiled as she squeezed his hand.

He offered her a giant clown-like grin and opened her car door, helping her inside. “Whatever you say babe.”

He raced around to the driver’s side and gunned the engine as they sped out of her neighborhood. For as quiet as she had tried to be when they left, Blake’s getaway made sure everyone on the street knew someone was in a hurry to get away. She gave him a frustrated glared as the tires squealed against the pavement. He grinned mischievously and sang along with the radio as it blared out Thriller.

“So are you gonna tell me about this house?” Blake questioned as they twisted up the hill toward the mansion.

“What do you want to know?” she returned.

“What’s the story?”

Ibee grinned, feeling totally in her element. “Well, Andrew Black built the house when he first established the city. His dad left him a ton of money in his will and Andrew decided building a house was the best thing to do with it. He was supposedly a player. Every girl wanted him and he was more than happy to flit through the ladies. No one really expected him to settle down, but eventually he found Lexi Newton and married her. She came from a wealthy family so the match seemed logical. They acted like a picture perfect pair during their engagement, attending every social function in town. As soon as they were married though, people rarely saw them.

“Everyone figured they just wanted privacy as they tried to set up their new home and lives, but as the months ticked by, fewer and fewer people saw them. They didn’t go out, didn’t talk to people, didn’t really do anything. Soon Andrew stopped going to work and people got suspicious. Two days after their first wedding anniversary, which was sixty years ago today, Lexi’s parents called the police chief and asked him to go investigate. No one answered when he knocked, so the chief took a branch to one of the large bay windows and let himself in. The police report says the house smelled of death and upon searching, the chief found the couple in the attic. Lexi, dressed in a crisp white house dress, lay in a pool of her own blood while Andrew’s limp body hung from a noose tied to the exposed rafters. The story says that Andrew shot Lexi before hanging himself in a fit of grief,” Ibee grinned.

Blake shuddered as an icy chill rippled up his spine, but he tried to hide it from Ibee. “So what about the disappearances? How do people explain those?”

“Apparently the house is haunted by Lexi’s spirit since she was unable to find rest after being robbed of her life by her psycho husband,” Ibee explained with a creepy smile. “Rumor has it that Lexi’s ghost takes the souls of those who make it into the house. That’s why the house has never been sold. No one wants to live in a haunted house.”

“And you want to go there?” Blake questioned, uncertainty layering his voice.

“You’re not afraid of ghosts, remember?” she teased. Blake was a typical “tough boy” baseball player. She had never imagined he was afraid of anything.

He hesitated before answering with a scoff. “And I don’t believe in them either.”

She smiled, noting the slight tremor in his voice. He pulled the car to a stop along the curb and killed the engine, but didn’t rush to get out. She took hold of his hand and squeezed it reassuringly even though the whole situation felt weird to her. She wasn’t used to taking charge and wasn’t sure if she liked it.

“Ready to go?”

He nodded and grabbed the flashlight from his jockey box before climbing out of the car. Ibee waited for him to open her door, still expecting him to be a gentleman despite his fear. Once out of the car, they stood on the curb, taking everything in.

Looming above them in the darkness, the Black Hill house seemed different than the far off version Ibee was used to seeing from her bedroom window. From far away, the house didn’t look terrible. Everyone knew it was in bad shape, but in person the structure looked one loose nail away from a condemned sign. Most of the shutters, worn and warped from the harsh winter snow and drizzly spring rains, hung from a single corner, ready to fall off at any moment. The roof shingles were only sporadic, leaving gaping holes for any creature, human or not, to slip inside. Blake squeezed her hand and led the way through the crooked wooden gate and up the cement walk. Graffiti artists had attacked the blank walls, coating them with murals of obscenities. Among other things were a marriage proposal and the exclusive prom offer from someone named Dave. Ibee smirked at the marks, realizing her father hadn’t been as successful at keeping people away from the house as he wanted people to think.

She shuddered as they neared the front entrance. It was a chilly fall night, but the cold wasn’t the only thing giving her goose bumps. She glanced over her shoulder as they walked; unable to shake the feeling they were being watched. Her stomach twisted and she gripped Blake’s hand a bit tighter. He put an arm around her, slightly amused that she was scared.

“Blake, maybe we shouldn’t be here,” she whispered, glancing around the property for the millionth time.

“Relax babe,” he replied, trying to sound brave as his voice shook. “Like you said it’s all just a story.”

She swallowed hard and offered a slight nod. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Miraculously given the state of rest of the house, the front door was still propped up on its hinges. It sat slightly ajar and Ibee noticed the lock was broken, preventing it from properly closing. Blake nudged it open with the toe of his Nike’s and led the way into the darkened house. The smell of wet wood mixed with a hint of death overwhelmed them as they stood in the small entryway. It took everything Ibee had to keep the contents of her stomach safely inside her body. Blake flipped the flashlight around, scanning the room. Majority of the floorboards were missing, revealing a plethora of forgotten items among the dirt, mainly cigarette butts and joint stubs. He shone the bright light into the far corner of the room where a mouse nest lay tucked under the baseboards. The arrival of light sent the inhabitants into a tizzy as they scattered across the floor into new hiding places.

She took the flashlight from him and pressed farther into the room, feeling brave. “You know, they say the noose is still up in the attic.” She turned around, the flashlight under her chin, making her innocent smirk terrifying. She pointed to the ceiling, or what or at least what was left of it, with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“It’s just a story,” Blake reasoned. “The cops had to take it down. It’s evidence.”

“Maybe,” she shrugged as cold shiver rattled up her spine. She felt like someone had slid past her, but looking around the room, she realized she and Blake were the only ones there.

The brave ones never leave

It was the faintest whisper, leaving Ibee unsure if she had imagined it. With each step, her fear level rose, but she refused to admit it. She didn’t want Blake to know she was scared and take her home.

“Babe, did you say something?” she asked, flipping her head to focus on her boyfriend, her long black hair moving like a solid curtain.

“No,” he shook his head, stepping to her side. “I didn’t-“

You can still go home

“Ssh!” She tossed an arm across his chest like she was stopping him from moving forward. “There it is again!”

“I didn’t hear anything,” he said after a silent minute. “Are you sure you’re not scared?”

She shook her head, trying to get the remnants of the cold woman’s voice out of her head. The words echoed in her ears, making the knot in her stomach tighten. She reached for his hand and tried to muster a bit of bravery.

“We leave if you want,” he said sweetly. He could see the fear in her eyes, and though he wanted to explore, he was happy to leave.

“No, let’s go look in the attic,” she said, sounding anything but brave.

He squeezed her trembling hand in his and led the way toward the stairs. He took the flashlight back, bouncing it around the molding staircase. Cobwebs filled the gaps in the wooden fittings where the original boards had rotted through. Ibee followed him, matching his tested steps as the wood groaned under their weight.

“Did you just touch my neck?” he asked, pausing in the middle of the steps.

She shook her head, although he couldn’t see. “It’s probably just the wind. C’mon were almost to the top.”

He swallowed hard and continued up the steps, driven by masculinity. He moved up two more steps before stopping, a horrified look on his face. “Do you have a flashlight?”

“No,” Ibee replied, a twinge of fear rattling through her voice.

Blake pulled her next to him and wrapped a protective arm around her dainty frame. With a shaking finger, he pointed toward the top stair as a blur of white disappeared from view. He stared at Ibee wide-eyed, waiting for her to explain. She rolled her eyes, unable to see what he was so worried about and took his hand before mounted the last two steps.

Like the downstairs, the attic was destroyed. Floor boards had been ripped up, exposing the living room they had just been in. A growing bat’s nest hung in the corner and tiny squeaks emitted from the darkness. Amongst the missing boards, a clean and even path reached from the stairs to the center of the room. Dangling from the tallest rafter was a frayed yellow noose. Bright moonbeams filtered in through the patchwork ceiling, illuminating the old rope like a shrine. Ibee let go of Blake’s hand and tiptoed toward the noose. The wood squeaked under her steps, but felt sturdy enough that she wasn’t afraid of falling.

“It’s really here,” Ibee whispered in awe as she fingered the soggy braid. “I can’t believe it’s still here.”

I wouldn’t touch that Ibee

“D-d-did you just refer to yourself in third person?” Blake stuttered as a chill rippled up his spine. He checked over his shoulder, sure someone was watching them. No matter how many times he looked, no one was there. Afraid to be by himself, he crept across the wood to Ibee’s side.

“No, but I heard it too,” she whispered, gripping his hand with white knuckles, her courage completely gone.

He could feel her trembling next to him and wrapped a protective arm around her while he took several deep breaths to calm his raising pulse. He flipped the flashlight beam around the room, looking for the speaker.

“Of course you heard it,” the voice said as a glistening woman emerged from thin air. Dressed in a white house dress that belonged in the 1950’s, she seemed out of place. She didn’t look a day over twenty-five with a pleasant smile dancing on her lips. A dark red circle covered her heart, as stains of something dripped down the front of the lace dress. Her hair was perfectly curled and despite the fear bubbling in Ibee’s stomach, she had to admit the woman had a pretty face. “What would your father say if he knew you were here, Ibee?”

“Y-y-you know my name?” Ibee stuttered, stepping closer to Blake. He hugged her to him with shaking arms and she knew he was just as scared as she was.

“I know everyone,” the woman responded sweetly as she took a step closer to the trembling pair. “Andrew and I built this town.”

“You, you’re…” Ibee tripped over her tongue as she tried to think straight. “Lexi?”

“Yes,” the woman nodded with a sad smile.

“Lexi Black?” Blake spat out. “The lady that was murdered here?”

“I wouldn’t say murdered,” she sighed, “but yes I’m her. You’re a smart boy, Blake. I like smart boys.”

“What do you mean not murdered?” Ibee asked, noting the legion of glowing white beings infiltrating the room from every direction. They appeared to be mostly men with the same haunting dark eyes as Lexi.

Lexi laughed and took a step closer to the couple. “Well, I don’t think you can call it murder when I did it myself.”

Blake sidestepped her, putting them closer to the stairs. The growing number of ghosts converged on the pair, with outstretched icy hands. “You know, this has been great, but we have to go.”

“But why?” Lexi cooed like a child. “We were having so much fun.”

“What happened to Andrew?” Ibee called as Blake tried to steer her toward the stairs.

Lexi flashed a manic smile, stepping closer as the army of beings followed. Looking around the faces, Ibee recognized several from the missing person ads the newspaper often ran. Her heart pounded against her chest as realization set in.

“He had to go,” she replied like it was obvious. “He didn’t let me have my boyfriends,” she motioned around the room at the love-hungry boys surrounding her. “Blake, you would make a perfect addition to the circle. You’re just my type.”

With knocking knees, Blake pulled Ibee down the stairs. His feet pounded against a soft spot in the sagging middle step, dropping him to the floor. He pushed Ibee farther down the stairs, but she reached for his hand and tried to pull him to his feet. The glistening mass closed in, blocking their exit.

“I love brave boys,” Lexi crooned, floating to the center of the circle. She ran a frigid hand over Blake’s cheek, locking her eyes on his.

“But I’m not brave,” Blake protested as the group zoned in.

“Oh, but I think you are,” Lexi responded. With a flick of her slender white hand the white cloud closed in, stifling the warm bodies. “I think you’ll love it here.”

The Things I'm Learning in College

Hey Peeps!!

So I'm in college, which naturally means I am learning a thing or two. I learned a couple of good lessons today and this week. Wanna hear them??

Lesson #1: It doesn't matter how right you are-how many other people back you up-if it's not what the professor thinks...it's wrong
I'm taking a fiction writing class this semester. In class everyone writes a story and we spend each class period discussing and dissecting two stories. During this time, the author must stay silent and simply listen. Today we were talking about a story someone had written that included a scene about drug abuse. Now, I don't really know or associate with any junkies, but I've read enough books and watched enough movies to know the general paraphernalia associated with hard drugs. From the description we were given, it sounded like heroin to me and several other students. This professor, who I'm sure is really knowledge able about the subject, was convienced that the syringe and yellow powder was insulin for a diabetic, even though there weren't any other clues that could make the woman a diabetic. Now I actually know a few diabetics and have seen what insulin looks like. For one it is NOT a powder. I mentioned this and my belief that the substance was heroin or some other equally hard drug and the professor debated me on it. I got a little frustrated and asked the writer point blank if the substance was heroin, in which he replied it was. The professor gave me a dirty look and ignored my raised hand every time after that.

From what I gather about her just from being in class, this woman has had an interesting life. She's probably like 50 or something, but I wouldn't be surprised if she was a Woodstock survivor. She doesn't make complete sentences and doesn't make much sense when she talks. She's even tried to tell me that once you break up with someone, you don't feel anything for them and it is impossible to still be in love with them. Trust me, I've had my heart broken a few times and there is still a part of my that feels for those guys. This teacher is INSANE!! If it isn't her way, it isn't right.

Lesson #2- Even in college their are coattail riders
Group project-all I'm gonna say on the subject

Lesson #3- I LOVE to edit
I've been doing a lot of editing of my own stuff as well as for others, and I love it!! Can someone pay me to do this??

Lesson #4-I need to marry a Mr. Mom
I get injured when I cook. I burned my hand on soup today...pathetic?? I think yes.


So yeah, I guess I just kinda wanted to rant a little about the professor who is going to make me bald. Everything with a grain of salt, I guess. My story get's torn apart tomorrow. Yay me!! haha. I'm not really excited, but as my news writing professor has shown me, I actually can write.

Sweet Dreams and Pink Ice Creams!!
**Rae Marie

Updates and Changes

So it's been a while since I last posted anything- a month and three days to be exact. It's not that I've forgotten about the blog, I really haven't, I just haven't felt like I've had anything blog-worthy to post (and potentially waste your time with). As you've probably noticed, I've changed the blog format. I figured that after a year it was time for something new. I get bored if things are the same for too long, but then again, maybe everyone does.

I think I'm getting back into the swing of college and work. I decided to take a month and a half away from the bowling ally so that I can focus on school and a social life in Logan. I think it will be good, as long as I can keep my shopping habit in check. I'm still working as a broadcast facilitator 4 nights a week here on campus so I've got some money, but the double paycheck was kinda nice. Oh well, my sanity and education come first.

I'm still writing, but not nearly as much as I did last year at this time. I think it's because I'm taking more classes and working, but whatev. I really need to get back to my pages. There's a girl in my creative fiction class that wrote a book in a week and had it published within two months. It's crazy that she could get it done that fast. Even when I don't have anything to do, I can't stay focused on writing long enough to write a whole chapter in one day, let alone a book in a week. It really put things in perspective for me.

Maybe I can publish a book. Everyone seems to think I have the talent for words. Yesterday in my Mass Communications class we had to write a group paper, and being the only girl, I was deemed the scribe. I didn't mind and every time I read my paragraphs out loud the three guys in my group were like "You're so good with words. That sounds so good. How are you so talented with language?" It made me feel good. Plus, my news writing professor, the one I really hated at the beginning of the semester has given me great feedback. He's a hard grader, but I've managed to get 19/20 on my last four articles. (I'm learning a lot from him and I truly respect him. I'm really hoping he teaches more classes next semester, cuz I'm so signing up if so.)  Maybe I'm just being cocky, but I feel like the encouragement means something. I really think I just need to quit being so down on myself and get into my characters heads for a little bit and finish the stupid thing. I've already written 2 drafts of it and am working on the 3rd. Though this one has a lot of changes, same basic story line but location, perspective and major scenes have changed. I think they're changes for the better, but I'm not entirely sure. I know I need readers so if you're willing and able to give me good feedback within about a week of me sending you my stuff, message me. I could really use the help.

So yeah that's it. I'm still in Logan, still love writing, even more obsessed with Twitter, and maybe a little twitterpaited...who knows???

**Rae Marie

Where Were You??

10 years ago I was 9. I was a 4th grader who didn’t really pay attention to what was going on in the world. If it wasn’t happening to me directly in my little bubble of elementary school, I didn’t have a clue. Days revolved around friends and TV. Music and homework pages. I probably couldn’t have told you a single thing happening in the “real” world, and to be honest, I didn’t care. I didn’t understand what tragedy was or what hatred meant. I was pretty much a typical kid.

And then it happened. That morning-where I was-I’ll never forget. My alarm went off at like 7:30, telling me it was time for yet another day in my hot, unair-conditioned school. But it was a different day. Instead of music or stupid commentary about the latest movie, Todd and Erin, the DJ’s on B98, were serious. The sound of their voice-it was like they were trying not to cry as they reported that two planes had hit the towers in New York. I didn’t know what the towers were, but I knew things were bad. I rushed to turn on the TV to see the image we all know so well now.

Smoke rising out of the towers into the crystal blue sky. I didn’t really understand what was happening or what it meant, but it made me sad. I ran up the stairs to tell my mom, but she already knew. She was sitting on the couch with a stunned look on her face, like she couldn’t believe what had happened.

School was interesting that day. I remember going to class and talking about it. Everyone was so on edge-as they probably should have been. My teacher, Mrs. Lowe, asked us to write a journal entry about what pandemonium was. I didn’t even know what that word meant. I wish I had the journal still, but I remember writing something about it meaning craziness like what was happening in New York, while all the while fighting the image of a panda dancing around my head.

After school I went home and watched all the images of people coming out of the wreckage on the news. It was so over-whelming and I remember being sad. The radio played every patriotic song they could find, including “I’m Proud to be an American”. Hearing that song while sitting in front of the TV and seeing all the mess, I got goose bumps and to this day I can’t listen to that song without getting chills and a little misty eyed.

On that day, for the first time I can remember, America stood totally united. Everyone was affected, whether they knew someone in New York or not. I personally didn’t know anyone that was in the towers, but I heard stories and had friends who’s parents were supposed to be there, or be on one of those planes, but didn’t go because of one thing or another. I constantly struggle with the idea of religion and where I stand with it, but I know that God was there, with all those people, and everyone at home across America, protecting and holding them so that they could be strong.

And here we are 10 years later. What have we learned from 9-11?? We still have hatred, sometimes I think it’s gotten even worse in the last few years. Our soldiers are still in Iraq. Politics is such a mess, I don’t even want to imagine some of the candidates running our country. So why is it that one major event can unite a country so strongly yet the aftershocks of said event can pull us apart?? Aren’t we all Americans, fighting for the same rights we were promised: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness??

Life is not simple, but it shouldn’t be taken for granted. We have to wake up every single day and remember that we are so BLESSED to be ALIVE!! Every day is a gift, and no matter what is going on, we need to remember that there are people out there DYING so that we can live. It’s an interesting paradox isn’t it??

Sometimes war is necessary and I support our troops even though I don’t always agree with the cause for battle. I hope that one day, my children will be able to live in a world without hatred, bigotry, and evil. Maybe we can learn from our mistakes and become better people because of it.

Whatever happens, where ever I made end up in this life, I know that I will NEVER forget September 11th.

Once a Princess, Always a Princess

Hey All!! If you’re following my blog, I assume you know me. If you don’t-thanks for reading about my sad life anyways. Haha. I was given an assignment for my Media Smarts class to create a blog about myself so that my Professor can get to know me a bit better. So essentially that’s what this post is.

My name is Rachael Marie Wabel, but most people just call me Rachael or Rae. I answer to both and even sometimes you'll get a “yes” out of me if you call me Miss Wabel, but that really makes me feel old and more grown up than I want to be.

I’m currently a Sophomore at USU majoring in Public Relations and minoring in English. I figured I might as well combine my love of writing and pop culture into a job and get paid for it.

Need to talk to me? Email me at rachaelwabel@gmail.com. If you want to call me message me for my number and I’ll give it to you. I’m not stupid enough to put my number on the web where any pyscho creeper can get a hold of it.

I’d consider myself pretty girly. I really like anything pink, glittery, or sparkly. I love shopping and of course the male species that makes up half of the human population, but only the smart ones! With that though, I’m not the typical ditzy, cheerleader type. I’m pretty down to earth and consider myself to be smart. I have my moments where I can be really hyper and excited, but I also like to have my down time where I can put my headphones in and dive into a work zone.

I LOVE to write and read. I honestly can’t stop. I’m always working on something. I’m still working on my novel, but maybe one day it will get finished and I can try to publish it. Until that day though, I’ll keep dreaming. I also really love music, especially the pop confections of Katy Perry, Cheryl Cole, Ellie Goulding, and more recently Adele-but only some of her songs.

Home for me is Syracuse. I wasn’t born there, but it’s where I’ve been for the longest. It’s where my parents are and where I know the most people. I think that makes the good ole 84075 a candidate to be considered home.

I’m a teenager still so my media use is pretty typical for my age. Facebook is continually open on my laptop along with my recent obsession TWITTER!!!! Of course I love Youtube too, and MSN is always one of my first stops for news in the morning. Like I said, I love Pop Culture so E! News is a guilty pleasure.

I guess that’s it really. I’m just sitting at work as a broadcast facilitator. It’s simple, but time consuming. Reading numerous textbooks is a bit hard during this time, but I’m able to get my writing stuff done so that’s good. And it looks like I’m needed so more later.

Sweet dreams and pink ice creams lovelies…

**Rae

I’ve NEVER Done That Before

I’ve never gone bungee jumping. I’ve never been arrested. I’ve never been offered any type of alcohol or drugs. To be honest, I’ve never done a lot of things. I guess that list is kinda crazy and a lot of people haven’t experienced those things either. Unfortunately I’ve also never done some normal 19 year old girl things, like give my number to a total stranger. Let’s just change that to I never HAD given my number to a stranger. Here’s what went down.

I was slumming through yet another Saturday night at work. Thankfully we were pretty busy so I was constantly doing something, which made the time go by much faster. I was at the desk, running the tills, when these two REALLY cute guys came in. I chatted them up (as Russell Brand would say) as I set up their bowling lane. There was one in particular who seemed to really click with me in our five minute exchange. He has a New Zealand accent (which is uber sexy) and come to find out, he just got back from his mission there. After a dose of flirting, he asked for my number, and here’s the kicker I GAVE IT TO HIM!!

You’re probably rolling your eyes and saying “NBD”, but really it is for me. I’ve never been one to put myself out there when it comes to guys. It’d be a whole other post to explain why, but I just never have. The last time I gave my number to someone, I had talked to him for like 2 weeks.

The guy suggested we get together sometime this week, since I’m moving back to Logan on Saturday and I had to work until we closed yesterday. He gave me his number and said I should text him. Which leaves me wondering. Do I text him and make the first step toward a date/hanging out, or do I wait for him to call me??

ION: I got a second job up in Logan. I’m going to be monitoring broadcast classes two nights a week, along with working 1st and 3rd weekends at the fun center, so you should all come see me there.

Summer is practically over and I have yet to even finish re-writing, let alone send out my pages. Maybe soon, though I know I’m going to be done (or quit) come November, so I can do Nano.

Well that’s it. Just sitting confused and slightly exhilarated here in my pink haven. A week from today, I’ll be back in Logantown, and I’m quite excited, esp since the WB is there and single…

**Rae

Teenage Dream Come True in Candyfornia

I'm working on some stuff for my writing portfolio for the school paper. This is one of my pieces let me know what you think...

                Like just about everyone else during the summer of 2008, I heard and ultimately learned the lyrics to Katy Perry’s hit song “I Kissed A Girl”. That song was inescapable, but in a good way.  My brother even had it as his ringtone for a while. It wasn’t until last summer, though, when “Teenage Dream” was released, that I found myself becoming a Katy Perry Fan. I bought both albums, listened to the music constantly, and waited patiently (okay, not that patiently) for her North American Tour dates to be announced. When I found out she was coming to Utah, I immediately knew I had to go.

                Sitting in Energy Solutions Arena Monday night with the smell of cotton candy wafting through the stadium, I knew the show would be quite a spectacle. I had scanned Youtube videos from previous shows and knew a little about the storyline and concept of the California Dreams Tour. The Candyland themed stage set was full of color and detail. The energy in the room before Katy came on was almost tangible and reached an uncanny level as the video montage began and started the concert.

                Perry didn’t disappoint the packed arena consisting of preteens, college girls, and a good dusting of gay guys. She kept the energy pounding with songs like “Teenage Dream” (her opening song), “Waking Up in Vegas”, “Firework” and “California Gurls” (her encore). The power energy jams bookended the two hour set, thrilling the screaming crowd.

                Of course she sang her break-through hit “I Kissed a Girl” but not before calling a shirtless guy on stage to be her Salt Lake boyfriend. With a hand over his heart she playfully teased him about how fast his pulse was. She granted him the opportunity to kiss her cheek before saying he better run because her husband (actor Russell Brand) was in the building.

                For all the sass and sex appeal, Perry has a rather tender side which she displayed during numbers “Not Like the Movies” and “Thinking of You”, the later performed while she floated over the crowd on a pink cotton candy cloud. It was during these slower, stripped away songs that Perry’s vocal capabilities were displayed. Turns out the girl REALLY can sing.

Between the slow love ballads, a self proclaimed “goofball”, Perry decided to have a bit of fun and perform a bit of “Katy Karaoke” as she called it. Following short covers of Rihanna’s “Only Girl”, Rebecca Blacks “Friday” and Willow Smith’s “I Whip my Hair”, she let her gospel roots shine as she belted out a few runs and trills. While they weren’t as big or powerful as Christina’s, they were still impressive.

The self empowerment anthem “Firework” was one of the loudest crowd sing-alongs, next to “E.T”. Along with amazing dance moves from her backing dancers, actual fireworks shot from various points around the stage, illuminating the arena, much to the zealous squeals of the already pumped up crowd.

                Overall the two hour show was a major sensory overload. There was so much to see and focus on, I almost think I need to see it twice to take everything in. Katy Perry didn’t disappoint her adoring Katy Cat’s (what her fans call themselves) and every minute was worth the $60 bucks I paid for my ticket. I honestly can’t wait until I can see the California Gurl again!

I'm Home

I just got home from my vacation and I feel like it was a whirl wind. Here's the quick rundown...

*Went clubbing for the 1st time--I can now cross this off my bucket list. It was fun and I want to do it again, but next time I'm going to a club where the guys are actually checking me, not my brother, out...

*Experienced my 1st swap meet...so HOT!! But there was some cool stuff

*Walked all over the strip and through a bunch of casinos...brought back memories of being a kid and meeting my dad at the Oasis to have dinner

*Tanned by the pool...I still have ridiculous tan lines from Lagoon though

*Found TONS of cute boys. Unfortunately most didn't play for my team

*Went to H&M in Ceasers Palace (3 stories!!!) and found some cute things.

*Saw the Ultimate Variety show in which my older brother was quite the active participant. He was called by name to the stage 3 times.

*Found adorable rock star jewelry (of course I bought it)

*Road the Roller Coaster at New York New York.

I also decided that Planet Hollywood and the Miracle Mile shops are my favs on the strip. There's a store called "Betty Page" (Yes that Betty Page) that had really great little play suits and accessories. If only I didn't have two years of school left to pay for...

A lot of great ideas for my new book showed themselves while I was in LV. We'll see if they actually garnish anything. I haven't written for almost a week!!! I need to get moving if I'm going to have this done by summer. I know what I want to do with it, I just have to take the time to write it all out. I also need to work on my portfolio for the school paper. If anyone has any ideas for articles I could write let me know...I'm drawing a blank. 

Anyways....I'm home now, done with my summer vacation. Now all I have to look forward to is the Katy Perry Concert next month. Sometimes I wish I could stay on vacation forever. 

**Rae

Born for This

Sometimes, I wonder if we are born to do specific things. The other day I was reading a magazine interview with Katy Perry (surprise surprise) and she said something along the lines of feeling like she was born to be a popstar. What I wonder is if people are born to do certain things. Was Picaso born to be a painter? Was Eistien delievered to this earth to bogle our minds with his discovery's in math and science?? Was I born to write??????

Okay, I'll stop attempting to be deep. I finished editing "David". Slightly sad about the whole thing, but also a bit relieved that it's done. I want to get it all cleaned up and send it to publishers, and at the same time I want to spend some time with another project I just started and let David and Katy breathe for a bit. Decisions decisions.

I haven't had much time to think about anything though because I've been working like crazy. Work hosted grad parties for Clearfield and Syracuse so I had to work the midnight parties on top of working normal shifts. I can't complain. I need the money, but my body is trying to catch up. I think it might take some time for it to though. haha.

So that's me, just being boring and reading. I've decided if I could write like Russell Brand, or at least have is vocabulary, I would be totally fine. Guess I'll just keep dreaming...

*Rae

Change of Plans

Hi kids! So I know for the longest time I said I was going to send out my book to publishers and agencies the first of June, but there’s been a change of plans. I don’t know what it is, or why it’s happened, but I’m no longer “in love” with my characters, which is kind of a problem, especially when you are trying to edit and make sure everything is cleaned up and just the way you want it. Whatever the reason, I’m putting “David” (that’s the new working title) on hold for at least today, if not longer. I have four chapters left to clean up and they are my favorite and hardest to do. Maybe that’s why I’m so passive about editing them???

I have a question for all my writing (and reading) friends. Do you ever feel like you are the only one who would want to read your stuff?? That’s how I’m feeling right now. I feel like my book, my characters, my story (although I hate when people reference my book as a story…sounds so insignificant to me. Anyone can write a story, it takes a long time to write a book) is STUPID.I’m terrified to send it out, although I know if I don’t, I will never have a future in writing. I feel it in my gut though, and I’ve learned that my gut is usually right. What I’m having a hard time discerning is whether I’m just scared or actually right?? Help!!

I did just recently read Russell Brand’s book “My Booky Wook” and if you don’t mind the language and slightly risqué material, it’s really a good read. He writes in a way that is so personable, like it’s just him talking and not trying to sound super formal (although I had to have a dictionary while I read because he uses a crazy vocab). Anyway, I’m prattling on again. Hope you’re enjoying the rain or lucky enough to be somewhere sunny.I think I should have bought a boat instead of a car, but whatev.

**Rae

Meet Veronica

Yesterday I set out on a mission to find a new car…and before it was dark I had one parked in my driveway. Meet Veronica.

She’s a 1998 Ford Escort, and all mine (well as soon as I pay the bank haha) She looks a lot nicer than Daisy, and drives better too. So now that I have a cuter car, one year of college done, and a book to start editing—let the rockstar life begin!!

**Rae

Is the End Just Another Beginning??

I finished my first year of college today. I can’t believe time is going so fast.I’m hoping I passed everything. The only class I’m really worried about is Statistics. I just have to get a C in the class and I won’t have to take it over. I’m not even worried about the grade itself since I changed it to pass/fail.I do NOT want to take that class over so let’s all pray Rachael passed. I’m really pretty excited for my classes next fall. Most of them are for journalism, my new major, and English, my minor. I’m done with all my general ED stuff THANKFULLY!!! I feel like general ED credits are just so the school can make some money. Let’s be honest, the information you learn in them is only good if you ever happen to be on Jeopardy or one of those random knowledge game shows, so why else would you have to take them??

Overall it was a good year. I learned a lot about myself and what I want and don’t want in life. I think it’s funny how much I feel like I’ve changed. This time last year, I had so many different ideas of what college life was going to be like. I thought I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted. Turns out, I didn’t. I ended up changing my major and my minor, making new friends, and just becoming a better person. I wouldn’t say that I’ve changed completely, I’m still the crazy movie loving, music singing, novel writing, Rachael that I’ve always been, but I think I’m a stronger version of her. I’ve had a lot of experiences this year and though not all of them were good or left me feeling Glinda pink and sparkling, I know that I went through them for a reason. I know that some happened to teach me to say no. Some were there to help me become less shy, and others were just to add to my collection of things that could be put in a novel one day.

With no school, I have four months of summer to hang out, relax, make and save some money, and maybe publish a book. The first thing on the agenda actually starts tomorrow. I’m going to get a new car. Daisy, my beloved little Honda Accord is on her way to seeing her last days. I don’t really know what exactly is wrong with her, but she’s not driving like she should. At almost 30 years old and what in car years must seem like a million miles-she’s done good.

I also have the Katy Perry concert in July (I’m so FREAKING excited for that-I can’t even begin to tell you) and a trip to Vegas in June, along with working at the Fun Center (I love my job-most of the time haha).

Overall I’m really happy to be done with school for the summer, though leaving today was sad. I’ll never forget the memories I made in good ole Wasatch Hall with my great roommates Esther, Mabel, Jocelyn, Kelli, Michelle, and Chelsea. Thank you ladies for making me a better person.

This is a lot longer than I anticipated it being, but it’s been about a month since I last posted-so I guess it’s okay.

Sweet dreams and pink ice creams everyone!!

**Rae

Blue Skies and White Floors

Hey All!!

It’s April and there is still snow on the ground. A lot of it is melted, but it’s still here, lingering like the memory of a bad scary movie that still bugs you even though you’ve told yourself it was all pretend. I’m told I should just get used to it because it will more than likely snow during Finals week. Lucky me (if you can’t feel the sarcasm hitting you in the face, try harder! haha). The horrible part is that the sky is blue, the sun is shinning and it’s almost 50 degrees outside. So it’s attempting to be spring, but obviously it isn’t trying hard enough.

In better news, and probably more interesting than my weather report, I will have successfully finished my first year of college is just four short weeks. I’m ready for it to be over. Not that I don’t love school, I’m just ready to make some money since I will be working actually part time instead of just two weekends a month. Which in essence also means that my paychecks will have more than 8 hours on them! Plus the sooner school is out means the closer July is and the closer to July we get, the sooner I get to go KATY PERRY!! (Super excited, can ya tell??)

I finished rewrites on D+K last Wednesday. I’m really happy with the way it turned out. I was happy with the first ending, but this one is much better. My characters are actually people now, and not just figments of my imagination. I feel like they have depth and are 3D. Maybe I’m just ranting like a proud mother, but I can’t help it!! I’m trying to send pages around to friends to get opinions and such, so if you’d like to be one of those people shoot me a message with an email address and I’ll send it your way. I’m hoping to get everything cleaned up and ready so that I can send my pages out the first week of June, so the more input I can get before then, the better. I still have a little bit of work to do, but I’m a lot closer than I was in January. Maybe next year my book will actually be on bookstore shelves….A girl can dream….

So yeah, that’s it. Not much going on. Saw ARTHUR with Russell Brand (well not with him, cuz if he had been there, I would have died, but he’s in it, but you probably understood that). Good movie. I better go, I have to go figure out my future with the advisors.

**Rachael

I Blame Disney

When I was a little girl I loved the Disney princess movies especially Cinderella and Snow White. They were just normal girls, like I saw myself, who after enduring the hardships of life ended up with their Prince Charming who swept them off their feet. They fell instantly, madly in love with him and rode off into the sunset to enjoy a life of happily ever after. I, like many other little girls, believed I could be a princess too after watching these movies. I dreamed that one day my Prince Charming would ride in on a white horse and sweep me off my feet. I was positive that the moment I saw him, I would know that things were absolutely perfect and he was the “one” because Disney told me that’s how it should be. DISNEY LIED TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I’m coming to realize that that’s not how life works. The saying “Life is not a fairy tale” keeps running through my head. Do you ever really “know”?? How can you be positive that you are making the right choice?? I’m notorious for falling hard for guys. I invest everything I have into my crushes and when they fizzle I usually end up hurting. When the real thing happens, how will I know that its real and that I’m not just reading too much into it?? I only ask because I see so many people my age getting married and I wondered how they knew their husbands were the “ones”. I’m not ready to get married. I still need to figure things out about me before I try to explain them to someone else. Thoughts??

What’s sparking all this?? I knew a guy at the end of last semester. We were basically a couple, just without the title. Things ended a bit awkwardly, but no one really hated each other (at least I don’t think so). I was a bit broken hearted when things ended, but I moved on and picked up my life. I met the WB and was quite content living my love life vicariously through my characters, David and Katy. I was doing fine, over B and focused on finishing the semester strong. Then things changed. B text me last week, apologizing for how things ended with us, which I thought was a really sweet gesture because honestly, how many guys apologize for things that happened 3 months ago?? We started talking and the suggestion of dating was brought up again. We decided to think about it and talk this week. I freaked out!! I wasn’t sure what I wanted. I knew I didn’t want to get hurt again, but at the same time, I liked the idea of us. I was so confused about what to do, say no or say yes, which confused me even more. I reasoned that if I was supposed to go for it, I would instantly know. I didn’t though. There was no overwhelming feeling of the right choice and I struggled for days with what to do. With each new day came a different answer. One day I felt like saying we could try dating and the next day I wanted to say no. I didn’t know what I wanted!! Nothing was clear to me!! Life, or at least mine, was surely not turning into a Disney princess movie!! I guess I worried for nothing, because this week he has all but dropped off the face of the planet. Good job Rachael, you stressed yourself out for nothing…

In happier news the semester is almost over and I’ve almost finished rewriting the ending of D+K. Hopefully I’ll send my pages out the first week of June after some serious editing!!!

As a final send off, here is one of my favorite Katy Perry songs. It basically explains my Disney dilemma. (It’s live, but I like her live better.) Fast forward to about 20 seconds for the song.

**Rachael

Woe’s of the Responsible

So I think I might be too responsible. All the evidence points to it.

Reasons I am Too Responsible
1. I go to bed between 10:30 and 11 every night and get up by about 8 am (on Wed. it’s 7:30).
2. I go to EVERY class EVERY day. I’ve only missed twice this semester and it was because I was sick.
3. I start, and usually finish, my homework the day it is given.
4. I actually do the assigned reading for classes.
5. I take notes in my classes.
6. I’ve never pulled an all-nighter in preparation for a test.
7. If I make a commitment to someone, I follow through.
8. I do my best- half a doesn’t cut it for me.

It’s there in words…I am too responsible. Does that make me boring?? Why can’t I procrastinate??? Why can’t I be an under achiever.

Things I Wish I Could Do and Not Feel Bad
1. Stay up late just for the L of it
2. Do my homework at the last minute
3. Sleep in late
4. Skip a class
5. Stop writing lists

I think I need help. But which way is really better?? Thoughts???

**Rachael

Fancy Feast® Cat Food Commercial - The Engagement

I feel like this should be on cuteoverload.com

Live, Laugh, Love

Why do I drive so fast if I enjoy the drive?? Yesterday I drove back to Logan after my weeklong spring break at home. I did fine until I hit the canyon and Daisy decided she didn’t want to do above 60, which is all fine and dandy given that 60 is the speed limit, but even in the slow lane I was being plowed over. I was getting angry and yelling at Daisy (please tell me others with an old car have yelled at it too and that I’m not crazy) when it hit me. I love driving so why do I always go so fast so that I’m done sooner?? It doesn’t make any sense. Maybe I don’t really like driving?? Is my lead foot just my subconscious telling me I hate driving??

I started reworking D+K, that’s the title I finally figured out. It seemed like the only thing that fit. I’ve been going through it for the past few weeks, just cleaning it up and trying to make things all tie together, when Friday night, my first night of break, it hit me. The book doesn’t end the way I thought it did. Yes David still dies, but how that happens and events leading up to it and after are different than I had originally written. So now I’m trying to get everything right. Character’s are changing and growing and it’s exciting and scary all at the same time. I don’t know what it is, but this is the first of the five novels I have written that I’ve ever gone back and re-worked. I’ve always just left the others how they were when I finished them. Does the re-writing mean I’m growing as a writer?? Or am I just desperate to write something good?? Maybe it’s both, who knows.

So this probably doesn’t make any sense, but it’s been a while since I last posted. I figured I should post SOMETHING and let everyone know I’m still alive and being alive is something I am so grateful for. With the recent events in Japan, I’m coming to realize how valuable life is. Why should I speed down the freeway when I can enjoy the drive. I think, especially for me, we want so bad to be something different than we are. Like be done with school, with a certain trial in our life, or want to be something bigger than we are (for me that’s famous…) Why can’t we just accept what we are and be thankful for what we have been given and for the fact that we woke up still breathing this morning?? I posted and tweeted this earlier, but I really believe it’s true “Smile and love today because you never know if you’ll get the chance tomorrow” Love with all your heart, maybe get it broken, smile and just make the most out of every single day because you never know when your time is going to be up. Call all your friends and tell them you love them, make sure you do everything you want to. Living with regrets is almost as bad as not living at all.

Maybe this is all a bit depressing but don’t call the hotline for me. I’m fine, happy, and loving the rain. I just am thinking a lot. Blame it on David and Katy…

**Rachael

How It’s Done

So last night I watched the Oscars (surprise surprise) but instead of being solely focused on the actors themselves, I was really watching the fashion this year. It was interesting, but pretty plain compared to years past. Of course there were some people I wanted to violently shake and scream “WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?? THIS IS THE OSCARS!!!” for their choice in attire was just…blah. I mean the Oscar’s are a big deal in Hollywood. It’s like prom. You break out the princess dress not the sundress and flip flops. Unfortunately we had a few sundresses and flip-flops and a bit of beach hair…yeah ScarJo, that’s you. But there were some who knocked it out of the ballpark. Homerun for fashion. My fav and female fashion pick of the night is….Cate Blanchett.

This is how the Oscar’s should look. Classy and put together. Can I go back to high school and wear this to prom??

As for the guys, there were some really good looking men!! But if you’re going to go to the Oscar’s shave the ferret off your face before hand!!! I don’t care if you’re in the middle of production, it looks gross!!!

“I can because I’m a rock star”
**Rachael

Back It Off Creep!!

Hey Peeps!!!

So I have a question for everyone. How exactly to you let someone know that you are REALLY not interested in them?? Here’s the story.

I’m taking English 2010 this semester, and while it’s a pointless class for someone like me who considers themselves a pretty good writer, the subject material is not the worst part of the class. There is a guy in there who won’t leave me alone!!! From what I’ve gathered he’s around 25, lonely, and just about the most vulgar person I’ve ever met. I’m pretty open minded to different people and different ways of life but when every other sentence is “F this” or “F that” I draw the line. I don’t know what I’ve done, but he seems to have taken a liking to me and sits next to me everyday as well as tries to flirt. I’ve tried dropping hints about going out with other guys and being the Mormon he surely could never date, but he still doesn’t seem to get it. How do I tell him to back off without coming across as a soulless b-witch??

And just in case you’re wondering there is someone I like. He’s pretty great, but he’s in my MWF class…I’m not sure what’s going on there, but does anyone?? Haha

So yeah, maybe I should buy one of those “I <3 my boyfriend” shirts from Wet Seal and wear it on Tuesday Thursdays… What are your thoughts??

**Rachael

Finally The Music Industry Is Getting It!!

Hi Friends!! I hope everyone is doing well on this fabulously warm Friday afternoon. The sun is shining and it’s around 40 today here in Logan. I’m hitting the end of my cold and am feeling MUCH better. Not quite 100% yet, but I’m getting there. Of course the large Mountain Dew on the desk next to me is helping a lot as well as some wonderful drugs!!

So this morning the new Lady Gaga track “Born This Way” dropped. Being me and trying to have my finger on the pulse of new stuff everyone is sure to be talking about soon, I decided to check it out. (I think of doing such as prep for my future job as a journalist) I was up nice and early (thanks body) and had plenty of time to mess around on the internet since my first class of the day was canceled. I pulled up the ever wonderful youtube and found the track under Lady Gaga’s Vevo account.

I’ll be honest, I was a little worried about this song. I’ve listened to her other songs, even have her “Fame Monster” album. Some of the songs are…well interesting. This is the girl, after all, who wore a meat dress and has everyone wondering what she will wear to the Grammy Awards this weekend. It is safe to say, Lady Gaga is not afraid to take chances. She does what she wants and seems to have a refreshing attitude that doesn’t care what others think of her. So when I looked up “Born This Way” I was a little worried what I would hear.

I’m in LOVE with this track. It seems the music industry is finally getting it in terms of music. Gone are the days of Tupac (yes I have listened to him just to get a feel) and his songs about getting shot and killing others. Yes, sex is still out there, but it’s taking a back seat to a better essence of songs. Feel good, empowerment, and independence songs. Pink released her song “Less Than Perfect”, we have Katy Perry’s “Firework” (overplayed-maybe. Great message-always), and now Lady Gaga is adding her hat into this mix with “Born This Way”.

Throw away all your previous notions of what Lady Gaga stands for or is and just listen. Also look up the lyrics. With lines like “I’m beautiful in my own way, ‘cuz God makes no mistakes” and an amazing bridge that starts at 2:50, it’s impossible to ignore that this song is the next is a much needed music revolution. I have a feeling this song is going to BLOW UP this year!!

While I’m still rooting for Katy Perry this weekend at the Grammy’s, I think Gaga could have something with this song. I guess only time will tell how the rest of the album is, but I’m sure the Grammy’s will take notice. The rest of the world seems to already have, making “Born This Way” the fastest selling single on ITunes EVER!! All I can say, is good work Lady Gaga.

If you want something to make you feel good and maybe release a few endorphins (“Exercise gives you endorphins and endorphins make you happy and happy people just don’t kill their husbands”) as you dance around the room, check out the song.

Enjoy your weekend.

**Rachael

Wow, Thoughts Are Powerful

I think I already knew that they were, but today I was reminded once again what the power of thought can do.

It’s the first of February, but of course you already knew that. It’s one month closer to spring and summer. One month closer to finals. And of course it has been one month since I broke up with B. It really hasn’t bothered me. To be honest, I think it was the easiest break-up I’ve ever gone through. It was the right thing to do and I knew that at the time and I know that now. Of course, not seeing him has probably aided in the ease as well.

Today as I was on the shuttle on my way to class I was thinking about how I hadn’t seen B since our last date. It is yet another wonderful thing about college. You can date someone, break-up with them, and the chances of seeing them around campus are very slim-as long as you don’t live in the same building or have classes with them. The campus is big enough that you can go on your merry little way and enjoy life and the plentiful eye-candy USU provides for us ladies (there are lots of guys and granted quite a few of them are married, but they are still fun to look at! I like to think of it as if they were celebrities. The on-screen hotties are totally out of reach to average women like myself, but it doesn’t stop me from looking!!).

Well I guess I better be careful what I think about ‘cuz within minutes of stepping off the bus my thoughts became realities. I was walking across campus in front of the Ag Science building and walking in front of me was B. I chuckled out loud, but I was far enough away (and quiet enough) that I don’t think he heard me. If he did, he didn’t acknowledge me.It was interesting to see him. His hair was long and kinda scraggly looking, he desperately needed a shave, and just looked worse for wear. It made me wonder if he had always looked like that, or if today was just a bad day for him. Whatever the reason, it didn’t bother me. I was feeling great, looking great (if I’m allowed to say that) and just generally happy. I continued walking, heading north toward the ESLC while he walked west in the general direction of the library. A minute later I had the urge to turn and look after him. I caught him staring in my general direction. What I would give to know the thoughts in his head at that moment, because when we broke up he had the chance to keep me, but his words put the final nail in the coffin, ultimately ending the relationship.

It’s crazy what thoughts can do. One thought can create alternate worlds of a boy wizard, bring peace and express emotions in ways otherwise unknown, and can do horrible things like conquer others. Of course, today was probably pure coincidence, just a matter of chance, but I’m not so sure. I walk the same way every day at the same time and have never seen him before. Maybe I need to be a little more careful with my thoughts. Maybe I should be more liberal. If I think about it hard enough, will Russell Brand show up in my life science class and entertain us?? It’s worth a shot haha!!

**Rachael

Quote of the Day: “If there is any possible chance you might be a woman…”-Prof. David Hole

Yeah pretty sure I would know whether I am a woman or not. Been that way since birth thanks.

I'm Still Alive!!!

Top 5 Reason’s it’s Too Cold to Get Out of Bed.
1. The condensation on the bus window freezes
2. Walking across the quad brings tears to your eyes
3. Within 2 seconds of being outside your entire body is numb
4. When the Las Vegas temperature of 24 seems warm
5. When your professors enter the classroom and simply state “It’s cold outside”

I am SOOOOOOOOOOO ready for spring!! Yesterday Logan was around -5 with wind chill. I was freezing, didn’t feel well, and of course it was my full class day that I couldn’t miss. Can I find some flip flops please?? Maybe I should purchase a one way ticket to Hollywood. I think I can handle their weather right now. Anything warmer than -5 is a welcome change.
It’s been a while since I’ve blogged, sorry guys. Things have been busy. Classes have been…well…boring. I’m not feeling challenged by any of them. I go to class and try my best not to fall asleep. I know it is partly my fault for signing up for them, but my classes this semester are simply to fill my general Ed credits. I also changed my major to journalism and can’t wait to start my classes for that—next fall. I think writing for magazines (I’m thinking pop culture stuff like Entertainment Weekly or being a reporter who interviews nominees at award shows) will be a better fit for me than teaching. I finished my novel back in December and have spent the last few weeks doing personal edits of the first few chapters that I plan on sending out. I dropped my pages off with a friend yesterday to have them grammar edited. Hopefully by Presidents Day I will send my pages to my first publisher. Maybe by summer I could be on my way to being a writer.

It’s interesting how different teachers teach. My English Lit professor is talking about Shakespeare. Last week we talked about him in my theater class and not to be mean, but I think my theater professor did a much better job at explaining him. What can I say?? I have to keep myself entertained!!

**Rachael

19 Year Old Brains….

Highlights of the Last 2 days

I didn’t kill my recitation teacher (super feat)

Water Bottle Candidate smiled and talked to me**

I had lunch with my mom!!

Blue sky showed today and yesterday!!

I found out Katy Perry is coming to SLC in July

I’m going to said show with my Brother

My awesome roommates made me muffins for my birthday

My Linguistics class was canceled for today

I found 2 new favorite songs

Because it’s Thursday I don’t have to do homework today and can instead do it over the weekend

Overall I love my life!!!!

**Water Bottle Candidate: So as you’ve probably figured out by now, I’m a HUGE Katy Perry fan. She’s married to Russell Brand and met him at the MTV VMA’s, but because she’s Katy Perry it wasn’t just “Hey how are you?” conversation. She was across the room and through a water bottle at him, which connected with his head. They flirted and now they’re married. So now anytime I see a guy I think is cute or could possible date, he is called Water Bottle Candidate. So far there is only one and he is in my Theater class. No names yet, but he’s super cute. Haha

Rachael

Decisions, Decisions

I have lots of decisions to make right now. As most of you know (if you've been following) I've written a book. I finished it a few weeks ago and have recently finished editing it. I feel like it's ready to send out, well at least as ready as it's going to be until a professional editor gets a hold of it. I've found a few places to send it to; one being a publisher while the others are agents. I'm ready to set the ship of my writing career a sail. This is where I hit the cross roads.

This book, still untitled, is kind of depressing and to be perfectly honest I don't feel like it's the best writing I've ever done. I'm so anxious to start living instead of just talking about it, but I wonder if this is the right thing to put out as the first big "Hi I'm Rae Marie!" After prowling the teen fiction aisles of Barnes and Noble last week, I don't feel like it fits in with the other teen fiction out there. Yes I want to stand out and be original and my own thing, but it's going to be kinda hard to be famous if no one but my mom buys the book.

I started a new book a few days ago as well. Here's where the big problem fits in. I feel like this new book (already titled and planned out in my head) will fit better with today's market. It's a story I want to tell and know how to tell. Great you say, but it's not written yet. I'll probably take 3 maybe 5 weeks or more to just get the first draft done. I'm going back to my old school ways of handwriting my manuscript which means editing is going to take a bit longer as well since I'll have to type everything. Add in 18 credits worth of homework and work every now and then as well as a small social life...things are going to take a bit longer.

So here's the question. Do I send out my finished project even though I have a gut feeling that it won't do well, which means if I signed a contract I would probably lose it and never be the writer I want to be, or do I wait and send out the story that will fit better?? As I said decisions, decisions. On top of this, I’m changing my major….

**Rae Marie

Something Curious...And No This Isn't a Hateful Post

Life is a curious thing isn't it?? I mean there are so many complex parts to it. One I find most troubling is the aspect of love, and more so the act of being loved. I mean, I find it easy to give love. When I like someone, I usually fall head first crazy about them. This usually ends up with me diving head first into a pool of pain when the affection is not reciprocated. I have the problem of overlooking faults (sometimes even really big ones that maybe shouldn't be overlooked). I find myself caring so intensely about others sometimes and I don't know how to stop it. Falling for someone and giving them love is the easy part.

What I find difficult is allowing myself to be loved. I was deeply hurt by someone in the past. He tore me wide open and ran away, leaving me there to bleed. The wounds he left were not shallow and it took me a long time to heal from them (sometimes I realize that they aren't perfectly mended yet). With that pain still lingering in my mind, I, at times, find myself unable to be vulnerable enough to accept others love and affection. I put walls up, pick fights over nothing, and always wait for it to crumble, which it usually does.

Upon talking to a good friend I realized that I'm not that different from everyone else. She told me that everyone has a hard time being loved because they are afraid of being hurt. If this is so, why does it seem that so many of my friends that are my age of 18 or 19, are finding "the one" and getting married? How is it that they are able to turn off the fear??

I don't really want to get married right now. As my friend also told me "You have to be famous". It has been a dream since I was little, just at that time I wanted to be an actress not a writer. So maybe it's a good thing that I can't be loved yet. I need to focus on my writing and when you have someone you would rather text instead of write, finishing a book gets difficult. On the other hand though, texting to tell a girl that you think a relationship is over, really sucks. Seriously, maybe you should grow some.
Okay, I think I’m getting too deep for quarter to midnight. I need to turn my brain off. Good night.

**Rachael Marie