I Blame Disney

When I was a little girl I loved the Disney princess movies especially Cinderella and Snow White. They were just normal girls, like I saw myself, who after enduring the hardships of life ended up with their Prince Charming who swept them off their feet. They fell instantly, madly in love with him and rode off into the sunset to enjoy a life of happily ever after. I, like many other little girls, believed I could be a princess too after watching these movies. I dreamed that one day my Prince Charming would ride in on a white horse and sweep me off my feet. I was positive that the moment I saw him, I would know that things were absolutely perfect and he was the “one” because Disney told me that’s how it should be. DISNEY LIED TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I’m coming to realize that that’s not how life works. The saying “Life is not a fairy tale” keeps running through my head. Do you ever really “know”?? How can you be positive that you are making the right choice?? I’m notorious for falling hard for guys. I invest everything I have into my crushes and when they fizzle I usually end up hurting. When the real thing happens, how will I know that its real and that I’m not just reading too much into it?? I only ask because I see so many people my age getting married and I wondered how they knew their husbands were the “ones”. I’m not ready to get married. I still need to figure things out about me before I try to explain them to someone else. Thoughts??

What’s sparking all this?? I knew a guy at the end of last semester. We were basically a couple, just without the title. Things ended a bit awkwardly, but no one really hated each other (at least I don’t think so). I was a bit broken hearted when things ended, but I moved on and picked up my life. I met the WB and was quite content living my love life vicariously through my characters, David and Katy. I was doing fine, over B and focused on finishing the semester strong. Then things changed. B text me last week, apologizing for how things ended with us, which I thought was a really sweet gesture because honestly, how many guys apologize for things that happened 3 months ago?? We started talking and the suggestion of dating was brought up again. We decided to think about it and talk this week. I freaked out!! I wasn’t sure what I wanted. I knew I didn’t want to get hurt again, but at the same time, I liked the idea of us. I was so confused about what to do, say no or say yes, which confused me even more. I reasoned that if I was supposed to go for it, I would instantly know. I didn’t though. There was no overwhelming feeling of the right choice and I struggled for days with what to do. With each new day came a different answer. One day I felt like saying we could try dating and the next day I wanted to say no. I didn’t know what I wanted!! Nothing was clear to me!! Life, or at least mine, was surely not turning into a Disney princess movie!! I guess I worried for nothing, because this week he has all but dropped off the face of the planet. Good job Rachael, you stressed yourself out for nothing…

In happier news the semester is almost over and I’ve almost finished rewriting the ending of D+K. Hopefully I’ll send my pages out the first week of June after some serious editing!!!

As a final send off, here is one of my favorite Katy Perry songs. It basically explains my Disney dilemma. (It’s live, but I like her live better.) Fast forward to about 20 seconds for the song.

**Rachael

Woe’s of the Responsible

So I think I might be too responsible. All the evidence points to it.

Reasons I am Too Responsible
1. I go to bed between 10:30 and 11 every night and get up by about 8 am (on Wed. it’s 7:30).
2. I go to EVERY class EVERY day. I’ve only missed twice this semester and it was because I was sick.
3. I start, and usually finish, my homework the day it is given.
4. I actually do the assigned reading for classes.
5. I take notes in my classes.
6. I’ve never pulled an all-nighter in preparation for a test.
7. If I make a commitment to someone, I follow through.
8. I do my best- half a doesn’t cut it for me.

It’s there in words…I am too responsible. Does that make me boring?? Why can’t I procrastinate??? Why can’t I be an under achiever.

Things I Wish I Could Do and Not Feel Bad
1. Stay up late just for the L of it
2. Do my homework at the last minute
3. Sleep in late
4. Skip a class
5. Stop writing lists

I think I need help. But which way is really better?? Thoughts???

**Rachael

Fancy Feast® Cat Food Commercial - The Engagement

I feel like this should be on cuteoverload.com

Live, Laugh, Love

Why do I drive so fast if I enjoy the drive?? Yesterday I drove back to Logan after my weeklong spring break at home. I did fine until I hit the canyon and Daisy decided she didn’t want to do above 60, which is all fine and dandy given that 60 is the speed limit, but even in the slow lane I was being plowed over. I was getting angry and yelling at Daisy (please tell me others with an old car have yelled at it too and that I’m not crazy) when it hit me. I love driving so why do I always go so fast so that I’m done sooner?? It doesn’t make any sense. Maybe I don’t really like driving?? Is my lead foot just my subconscious telling me I hate driving??

I started reworking D+K, that’s the title I finally figured out. It seemed like the only thing that fit. I’ve been going through it for the past few weeks, just cleaning it up and trying to make things all tie together, when Friday night, my first night of break, it hit me. The book doesn’t end the way I thought it did. Yes David still dies, but how that happens and events leading up to it and after are different than I had originally written. So now I’m trying to get everything right. Character’s are changing and growing and it’s exciting and scary all at the same time. I don’t know what it is, but this is the first of the five novels I have written that I’ve ever gone back and re-worked. I’ve always just left the others how they were when I finished them. Does the re-writing mean I’m growing as a writer?? Or am I just desperate to write something good?? Maybe it’s both, who knows.

So this probably doesn’t make any sense, but it’s been a while since I last posted. I figured I should post SOMETHING and let everyone know I’m still alive and being alive is something I am so grateful for. With the recent events in Japan, I’m coming to realize how valuable life is. Why should I speed down the freeway when I can enjoy the drive. I think, especially for me, we want so bad to be something different than we are. Like be done with school, with a certain trial in our life, or want to be something bigger than we are (for me that’s famous…) Why can’t we just accept what we are and be thankful for what we have been given and for the fact that we woke up still breathing this morning?? I posted and tweeted this earlier, but I really believe it’s true “Smile and love today because you never know if you’ll get the chance tomorrow” Love with all your heart, maybe get it broken, smile and just make the most out of every single day because you never know when your time is going to be up. Call all your friends and tell them you love them, make sure you do everything you want to. Living with regrets is almost as bad as not living at all.

Maybe this is all a bit depressing but don’t call the hotline for me. I’m fine, happy, and loving the rain. I just am thinking a lot. Blame it on David and Katy…

**Rachael